I want to say we’ve all been here but perhaps there is the one lucky person who is reading this blog who has never heard of or experienced a situationship.
Hats off to you my friend…
Relationships are hard.
Being single is hard.
"Situationships" are the epitome of hard.
The dating world as I’ve known it has never been easy, and while I could sit here and explain why this is for me, I don’t think we need to go into my daddy issues causing my dating reality.
That's for another blog…
Situationships can come in all shapes and sizes. Whether you are all for them and one day they want you and the next they don’t, or whether you are seeing someone but unsure if you’re the only one. Perhaps they’re even playing the game of ‘I don’t want a relationship’ but treating it like you’re in a relationship and you don’t understand why you can't just put the label on it.
Casual dating but seeing other people. Friends with benefits. F*ck buddies. Any sort of connection with the attracted sex that doesn't have the label of a relationship but makes you feel a certain way, making you second guess or want to form a relationship.
I wish there was an easy way to navigate through a situationship, or a simple answer I could give you. But unfortunately, there isn’t an easy way out of a situationship, just as it doesn’t feel easy when you’re in it.
It can open up and trigger a lot of wounds within us- all of the emotions that lie within a situationship, and I hate to say it but...
If you find yourself in one of these kind of relationships, there is a reason for it. A deeper underlying reason that stems back to our self worth and self love.
We are constantly repeating patterns from childhood with our parents.
To get straight to what I mean, and going into these daddy issues I said I wasn't going to speak about- (I've realised I can't do a post about difficult relationships without bringing up why we seek and fall into them in the first place)
Here's a bit about me and my reasoning for the shituationships I’ve ended up in (yes I added the shit, because mine cannot be described as just situations).
My father was never present. He was there and he was present in a physical form sense, he showed his face and made a slight comment here and there, but he never emotionally gave his presence. I didn't receive the necessary emotions from my father that I needed to develop into a strong independent woman who knew her worth. I now, when searching for love, find myself more attracted and involved with men who have no interest in dating me. It's a challenge for me to push them into loving me because through every relationship, I am projecting the issues of my father not giving me the love I needed, and through these relationships I seek, I am attempting to seek this love I wish my father gave me. I want these men to push for me just as I wish my father had, and would.
We are constantly repeating the patterns from our parents in some way shape or form.
If you have found yourself here on this blog looking up this spread, then I invite you to take a look back, trace it back, figure out why on earth you are in a situation like this in the first place. You aren't just unlucky. You don't just have a bad history with dating. You aren’t not good enough to have a secure and healthy relationship.
So you've found yourself in a situationship. Perhaps it's purely physical, or perhaps there's a deep emotional connection. Maybe it begins with drunk (or sober) booty calls, or maybe one of you is completely terrified of committing because of past hurt. Maybe you’re like me, someone who is just too blind to see that this person will never give to you what your father couldn't. No matter the reason, you’re finding yourself in a position where you aren't finding full commitment.
There are so many factors that can come into play. There are many things you can do to help yourself in a situationship, even if it feels like the only way is to continue till it explodes, which 9/10 times it most likely will (sorry).
You may even be the lucky one who can push till it forms a relationship, like I have done in the past. I have forced partners to be with me, and played the game of ‘commit to me or I'm leaving’, which has resulted in commitment for a little while, but the reality with situationships is if it wasn't easy to begin with, it probably won't mould into the relationship you are after.
You should be with someone who from the beginning makes it simple, clear and easy. Not someone who challenges your perception of yourself and clouds your idea of healthy connection.
It can be hard to let go of a situationship and recover from it.
It is still a connection that is formed. There is still love there, even if it feels one sided, confusing, unhealthy or un-evolving…
You have still shared a connection with someone.
My first bit of advice;
Reflect and try to figure out why you are wanting this person so badly.
You can journal, meditate on, or simply ask yourself these questions-
Why is it that you have found yourself in this situationship?
Is there a pattern that has been fallen into?
When have you felt like this before- feelings of not being good enough, or not being worthy, or not having enough to give?
FREE TAROT SPREAD
- What you think about them
2- How they perceive the connection
2- How they think about you
4- Their current need for connection
5- Their obstacles within this connection
6- Outcome of overall connection
I’ve also added a shadow work worksheet
To give you access to diving a little deeper into the understanding of why you may be in this situationship in the first place
Don’t forget that you are the decider of the level of respect you allow throughout life.
You decide the love you wish to endure and become accustomed to.
By understanding yourself on a deeper level, you can find the meaning behind the situations you end up in.
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From my heart, to yours, lots of love
Love Lovie x
(Teacher, Healer, Writer, Eternal student)
